


Like A Storm Inside

by the_secret_wordsmith



Series: Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest September 2020 [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship, Getting Together, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, Rating is on the safe side, Teen Crush, Teen Romance, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_secret_wordsmith/pseuds/the_secret_wordsmith
Summary: Remus struggles to forgive the friend he's been crushing on. (The friend is Sirius).[For day six of @swottypotter 's Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest]
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest September 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931587
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	Like A Storm Inside

**Author's Note:**

> For Day Six of swottypotter's Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest. The theme was "forgiveness".

“I don't think I can ever forgive you, Sirius,” Remus said, and his friend took a step back, away from the Hospital Wing bed that Remus lay in. His grey eyes were wide and full of guilt.

“I'll never forgive myself,” he replied, voice cracking slightly.

Remus shook his head: he couldn't deal with this right now. “You should go.”

So he did.

Remus watched Sirius's retreating back with a strange twisting in his stomach. Part of him wanted to scream _no come back_ , but he didn't. He just watched, feeling hurt and angry and so terribly betrayed, as Sirius Black walked away.

“He's really torn up about it,” James said quietly from where he and Peter sat on the other side of Remus's bed.

“And?”

“I just...” James trailed off with a shrug. “You can't just never forgive him, Moony.”

“He told... he told _Snape_ ,” Remus bit out, “He told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow and I could have _killed_ him. And it was only because you acted quickly that I didn't.”

“I know, Remus,” James said, “But...”

“No,” Remus shouted, tears stinging his eyes, “No! I forgive Sirius all the time for all the stupid things. We all do. We all, always forgive him. But this?” Remus let his head fall back against the pillow, “Snape is going to know this forever. And nothing can undo that.”

James didn't try to argue back. Instead he placed a bar of chocolate on the side table by Remus's bed and got to his feet with a sigh.

“Come on, Wormtail,” he said, “I still need to pack.”

The two boys headed away but then James turned back, mouth open as though to say one last parting remark.

“Don't, Potter,” Remus hissed. “Just don't.”

James shrugged sadly, then turned and left, Peter in tow.

Remus stared up at the ceiling, his heart broken and feeling more tired than anything in the world. Eventually, though, he managed to drift off, sleep giving him the sort of peace that Sirius had taken from his waking world in one moment of selfish, unthinking recklessness.

***

Three weeks later and Remus still hadn't forgiven Sirius. The summer holidays had started, Hogwarts had closed and everyone had gone home.

James Potter arrived at the Lupin cottage in a whirl of buoyant energy, stepping out of their living room fireplace with a bright grin on his face.

“Hello Mr and Mrs Lupin,” he chirped merrily and, without further ceremony, he dragged Remus back into the fireplace with him, “I just need to borrow him for a bit, is that alright?”

“Well, I - ” Remus's dad began but James had already thrown the powder into the fireplace.

“I'll be back for dinner,” Remus called, though he didn't actually have any idea how long James intended to keep him. He'd spent a lot of time at the Potters' over the past few weeks, hanging out with James mostly, but also with Peter on occasion too.

There had been no mention of Sirius at all, which Remus was both very grateful for and also hated more than anything.

“Be good for Euphemia!” His mother called with a smile, and then green flames surrounded them.

The two boys burst out of the Potters' kitchen fire and James didn't let up. He dragged Remus through the large Potter house and outside over the great rolling estate grounds.

“Where are we going, James?” Remus asked and finally the other boy let up. He stopped by a small copse of trees not far from the house and turned to Remus, looking only mildly guilty.

“Someone arrived yesterday,” he said slowly, “And now he's going to be living at ours because his parents... well, you know what his parents are like.” He looked at Remus intently.

“Sirius.”

Of course it would be Sirius bloody Black. Remus huffed, folding his arms and fixing James with an intense stare.

“Is this some sort of trick to get me to speak to him?”

“Moony, no,” James said, voice desperate, “He's run away from home. His mother... she's been awful, really _really_ awful. He told them something about himself and then... ugh, look, Remus, please!”

Remus blinked. Sirius had run away from home?

“I don't...”

“He needs us right now, Moony,” James said, voice soft, “Look. He's with Peter in the small forest. We're camping out tonight, mum's given us permission to and everything. I think you should join us.”

“What did his mother do?” Remus asked, ignoring the offer.

“You know what she's like.” James replied, voice very quiet. Remus nodded: he did, he really _really_ did. And yet...

“It doesn't change what Sirius did to me.”

James took off his glasses and dragged a hand down his face with a groan. “I know.”

Remus swallowed. He felt strange and trembling. Just down the hill, in the small forest at the edge of the Potter estate, was Sirius Black: the boy who had started to appear in Remus's dreams in a very different way to normal in the last few months; the boy whose eyes Remus lost himself in; who made Remus laugh so hard and feel so... so...

“But he really messed up!” Remus cried, feeling angry and hurt and so bloody confused. These feelings weren't normal friend feelings, were they? And Sirius's betrayal had made everything so much more complicated.

“I know,” James said with a shrug, “But he... Remus, you mean _so_ much to him. And I... I think, I just...” James trailed of with a groan. Remus scrutinised him: there was something here that James wasn't telling him.

“What is it, Prongs?”

James sighed, “Just... please come camp with us tonight. Please.”

Remus teetered on the edge of a decision. He could turn around right now and march back to the fireplace and be safe at home within minutes.

“My parents are expecting me back for dinner.”

“I'll get mum to let them know,” James said, “You know how persuasive she can be.”

Remus snorted: that was true. Euphemia Potter was a force to be reckoned with. Then he sighed. This all seemed pretty inevitable now. James Potter really was his mother's son, wasn't he? Remus nodded.

“Fine,” he said and James whooped. Remus frowned at him, “But I'm not talking to him, not one word, alright?”

“Of course, of course,” James said but he was still grinning like an idiot. “Come on then. I'll get mum to contact your parents later, and we can get your sleeping stuff sent over too. This is gonna be so much fun.”

Remus sighed, but followed James down the hill towards the trees. His heart was pounding in his chest and he kept thinking of those strange dreams he'd had of Sirius, and then of the boy himself: his infectious laugh, his intense gaze, his soft lips...

Remus shook his head. He was mad at Sirius: he was mad at Sirius! There was no space to be thinking about soft lips and those grey eyes and how it would feel to run his hand through Sirius's dark tangled hair as their bodies moved closer.

Remus cleared his throat and hurried after James. What had he got himself in to?

***

“And that is how I plan to win Lily Evans round!” James finished several hours later, with exuberant hand gestures and a bright grin. The fire crackled, Peter clapped, Sirius snorted.

“You idiot, she'll never go out with you,” he said with a toss of his head. Remus watched the waves of dark hair fall back down his shoulder. Sirius turned to him with a nervous smile, “Right Moony?”

Remus huffed and looked away.

It was late and they were sitting round the campfire, the Potters' big tent looming over them on one side, and a large oak tree on the other. It was dark, the stars glimmering up in the sky far above, and tall trees silhouetted against the celestial lights. No moon tonight, and that did something to improve Remus's mood.

But he was still mad at Sirius. And also still so unwaveringly attracted to him too.

There was an awkward silence after Sirius's attempt to engage him, broken eventually by Peter who was never any good at dealing with tension.

“So, more marshmallows?” He suggested. James nodded.

“I'll go get more from the kitchen,” he said, getting to his feet. Peter looked from Remus to Sirius then hurriedly mimicked James's movements.“I'll come with.”

“Ok,” James said and hesitated, looking from Remus to Sirius then back again, “Please don't kill each other whilst we're gone. My parents would _not_ be happy.”

“Don't worry, Prongs,” Remus said with a wave of his hand, “I don't intend to interact with him ever again.”

“Great, brilliant,” James let out a huff and turned to Peter, “Come on then, Wormy.”

And the two boys headed away, disappearing between the trees as they headed back towards the house.

The fire crackled. Then Sirius started humming.

Remus glowered at him but the other boy wasn't looking at him anymore, instead focusing on what must be a very interesting piece of dirt on the ground. Remus scowled some more then cleared his throat loudly.

Sirius still ignored him. Prat. His humming got louder and Remus stamped his foot. The humming got even louder.

“Will you shut up?!”

Remus's chest was heaving as Sirius slowly looked up, eyes wide, to stare at him.

“Hm?”

“Stop humming,” Remus said firmly.

“Ok.”

The humming stopped but then Sirius started tapping a twig against his leg. Remus growled. Could the boy never stop moving?!

“Sirius,” he said, voice low. Sirius looked over to him and Remus almost screamed: his grey eyes were wide and his lips slightly parted in confusion, and he looked so bloody attractive that Remus felt his heart might explode.

“What is it, Moony?”

Remus got to his feet and strode over. He plucked the twig from Sirius's grasp and threw it into the fire. Sirius looked up at him from where he was still seated on a log and Remus couldn't breathe. He hated Sirius Black so much, so _so_ much. How could he do this to Remus? How could he do this to him, like it was nothing, like it was so bloody easy?

All the emotions were rolling together, cracking like a storm inside him, and Remus couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand it.

“I hate you,” he burst out and it wasn't true. “I can't stand you,” he shouted and it wasn't true. “You're the worst!”

_You're the best._

Sirius got to his feet, his brows furrowed now, all easy countenance completely gone as he visibly bristled.

“Well I bloody love you!” He shouted into Remus's face and Remus took a physical step back, confused and bewildered by this strange declaration.

“What?”

Sirius gasped as he realised what he had said. He seemed to crumple and waver and fall apart, eyes darting down and away from Remus's face.

“I... er, I love you,” he said, voice less sure. Then he looked back up, jaw tense but his grey eyes glistened slightly, revealing how scared he was, “And I hate me, for what I did, and you're right. You should never forgive me. Not ever, because I'll just... I just hurt people and... and...”

“Stop it,” Remus said but Sirius didn't listen. Did he ever?

“I ruin things and act like a stupid nasty piece of work and I don't deserve nice things and I don't deserve you, Moony.” He was crying now, tears falling from his eyes as he continued, “I don't deserve someone so good like you and...”

But Remus had cut him off.

One hand tangled in Sirius's long dark hair and the other slipped round his neck as Remus leant in, doing what he'd dreamed of doing for all these months. Their lips touched and Sirius sighed, warm breath mingling with Remus's own as he relished the softness of the other boy's mouth.

“I forgive you,” Remus said, pulling away gently. “I'll always forgive you.”

Sirius lifted a hand to Remus's chest, eyes wide, as he shook his head, “You shouldn't.”

“I should.”

“No, you shouldn't.”

“Shut up,” Remus said firmly, “And let me kiss you.”

Sirius swallowed and Remus enjoyed the way his neck bobbed as he did. Then he leant back in, fire crackling beside them, and kissed him again.

Sirius whimpered slightly and pushed into him, and Remus felt hands roving over his body, one in his hair and the other on his lower back and slipping lower. He moaned into Sirius's mouth, tongues pushing against each other. Then he tried to tilt his head and found their noses bashing against each other.

He pulled back, feeling flustered and a little embarrassed but Sirius was beaming back at him, grey eyes twinkling.

“I like doing that,” he said, “I really _really_ like it.”

“Yeah?”

Sirius nodded, still grinning and Remus felt himself being pulled in closer. His eyes fluttered shut as Sirius's warm breath tickled his cheek.

“Well, I take it you two have made up then?”

They pulled apart, turning to see James and Peter standing next to the tent. James had his arms folded and eyebrows raised.

“Er...” Remus cleared his throat and shrugged, “Guess so.”

“Well you're welcome,” James said with a grin.

“For what?”

“Who's been going on at you to forgive him?” James asked, sauntering around the fire towards them. Remus huffed.

“Really, Prongs?”

“Yeah, shove off, mate,” Sirius said and pulled on Remus's chin so he was forced to look back at him. “I'm giving a bloody good apology here.”

Remus grinned, “Yeah, and I'm busy forgiving him here, so...”

But now it was Sirius's turn to cut him off, leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips. Remus sighed into the kiss, wrapping his arms tightly round Sirius's back and pulling him close.

He ignored James and Peter's protestations, instead focusing on the warm feel of Sirius's soft soft lips against his own.


End file.
